WORLD KINDNESS DAY: SUPPORTING SOMEONE THROUGH CANCER
This World Kindness Day (Monday 13th November 2023) we have asked our inspiring charity partners CoppaFeel! and Jo’s Cervical Cancer for their top advice and tips on how you can support a loved one living with either breast or cervical cancer.
Having cancer can impact on the different roles a person has – being a partner, an employee, a parent, a carer for older relatives, a friend. It might make it harder to keep up with all the responsibilities that come with these roles. The most important thing is to talk to the person about what support they need. Don’t make assumptions! What someone needs can change, depending on factors including what stage they are at with their treatment, whether they have any side effects of the treatment and how they are feeling emotionally.
How to Support a Friend or Loved One, Living with Cancer
Everyone has different needs and here are some tips from CoppaFeel! and Jo’s Cervical Cancer Trust on how you can support someone going through a cancer diagnosis:
- Remember that people react to being diagnosed with cancer in different ways. You can support someone by providing a non-judgemental, safe space for them to express how they are feeling. You don’t always need to fix things – just listen and let them know you are there for/with them.
- Don't ask, just do! Cook that meal, bake those biscuits, send that card, sign them up for subscriptions - don’t wait for them to ask you to.
- It can be hard for people to do 'normal' things when they are going through treatment such as cleaning their house, picking kids up from school, cooking a meal etc so think of ways you can help or help them to still do these things to give them that sense of normality.
- Don’t disappear - it can be hard to know what to say for fear of saying the wrong thing but just being there can sometimes be enough - you don’t have to have the answers! Keep spending time together doing things that are enjoyable. Remember it is ok to still have a laugh or to do fun things!
- Ensure that you talk about things other than cancer and treatment. It can be nice to have a distraction and not just feel like a cancer patient. You can still share aspects of your life - sometimes the distraction of the norm is a break from constantly thinking about a diagnosis or treatment.
- Research and share complementary therapies such as massages and reflexology, counselling or nurse specialists in case they don’t have the energy or inclination to do this themselves.
- Donate blood (if you can) to show you are embracing your health and proactively helping others where you can.
- Continue to make plans. Whether it’s for a weekend away or a night in on the sofa; planning nice things to look forward to is important for everyone.
- Be flexible. Going through treatment can have lots of ups and downs and sometimes plans need to change. Reassure your friend or loved one that this is ok.
- Help them to find a community - having people to check in with and share similar experiences is also really important and helps with feelings of isolation.
- Help their partners, family or loved ones to find support as they too might be feeling overwhelmed, overly responsible or just need to share their experience.
- Remember to look after yourself as well. You are not the only source of support – the person with cancer may have other friends or family that can help, or they can access other services.
CoppaFeel! And The Importance of Empowerment
CoppaFeel!’s work is centred around awareness raising and education and therefore, they don’t provide formalised support groups for those going through treatment. However, CoppaFeel!’s community, educational materials, volunteering opportunities, treks and fundraising opportunities, together with their genuine commitment to those who have reached out following an experience with breast cancer or simply to learn more about breast cancer, can provide friendship, purpose, reassurance and empowerment throughout a cancer journey.
A key element of empowerment following a diagnosis could be supporting your loved one to still do the things that are important to them, and it’s a good time to be proactive with your own health.
We have already provided some ideas from CoppaFeel! and Jo’s Cervical Cancer Trust on how you can support in general, but here are a few extra tips for those living with breast cancer.
- Read breast cancer charities websites to learn more about their diagnosis and what side effects they may have. It can be hard for someone going through treatment to have to explain themselves.
- Let them know about CoppaFeel!’s Boobette programme and how they can sign up when feeling better to share their experiences and help others to understand the importance of knowing their body.
- Sign up for text reminders so they know their experience is serving a positive purpose in other people’s lives.
Head to the CoppaFeel! Website, and specifically their
The below organisations would be able to help with the more practical or health related breast cancer support available:
Trekstock
Future Dreams
@secondary.sisters
Breast Cancer Now
Macmillan Cancer Support
Shine Cancer Support
Breast Cancer Haven
Maggie’s Centres
Alike
OUTpatients
Jo’s Cervical Cancer Trust and the Ways to Support Someone with Cervical Cancer
When someone you love is diagnosed with cervical cancer, it is really common to feel overwhelmed, helpless and like you don’t know what to do. But there are many ways that you can support them.
Sometimes it can be difficult for the woman to tell you what her needs are – you may be able to help by making some practical decisions such as organising dinner, arranging for kids to be picked up, driving her to appointments. Or it may be just taking time to be with her and listening to how she is feeling, or doing something nice such as enjoying a movie together or going for a walk or giving her the space just to rest or have time alone.
When the person with cancer is your partner, it can feel like things will never feel normal again. For some couples, the experience can bring them closer. For others, it can be more difficult due to different coping styles, or not wanting to burden each other. Try to support each other. Talk about what you both want and need, and accept that this may change from day to day, for both of you.
It is important to look after yourself too. Sometimes, we feel that we have to be the ‘b one’ but it is ok to get support for yourself – maybe from friends and family, or more formal support such as support groups or counselling.
“I was trying to be upbeat when I was around her, but I needed a break sometimes, just to mope around and feel how I wanted to feel.” – partner of someone with cervical cancer.
You can find help and support from the below organisations:
Jo’s Cervical Cancer Trust – Helpline or online Forum
Relate
Macmillan
Sending love to your and your loved ones this World Kindness Day and always. We hope we have provided a few helpful ideas and practical tips to provide support, empower and educate yourself to be able to look out for and be kind to yourselves and or a loved one living with cancer.